HE IS SO ELOQUENT...
HE IS SO ELOQUENT.
Alpha and Omega. I am the beginning of all things and I am the end of all things. I am the Spirit of Father Time and I embody the essence of Death. I am all things and I am nothing- therefore I am a God. I am known by many names, but you may refer to me, simply, as the Reaper of Souls. As a being that has witnessed history since its infancy, watched it mature, and know inevitably when it all will come to an end- there are no mysteries that I cannot solve and no questions that I cannot answer. I have seen civilizations grow and watched empires crumble to the dust- and from those ashes I have seen cycles repeated. I was present at every birth and a witness for every life that has ceased. I have collected the souls of the lowest forms and those of the most elite. There is no place that I cannot enter and no door that can prevent me from completing my task. Any knowledge they possess is mine and I can retrieve them from the ether anytime that I choose to utilize their unique gifts. This is the power that I possess and have encapsulated into this small totem of my likeness.
You now have the opportunity to benefit from my skills and knowledge. You can use this statue, that was crafted in my image, to summon any soul in existence - past or present, to you and ask anything of them that you desire. Call upon the military and strategic expertise of the some the greatest warriors in history. Summon the darkest or lightest practitioners of the arcane arts and ask them to share their secrets with you. Request that the most studious and acute minds of history's most prolific scientists and professors to assist you with formulas or experiments that you wish to conduct. Seek the aid of some of the world's most celebrated authors in literature and help you write the next great American novel. Ask the most esteemed, high-profile celebrities to instruct you in the art of their respective crafts to make you the next over-night sensation.
There is absolutely no soul that I cannot get to aid you in your endeavors. You can ask any of them any questions that you need answered. Find out what the pyramids are hiding or what lies in the chamber beneath the Sphinx. Discover the location of Atlantis. Learn the truth about the "third" gunman. Uncover the resting place the Holy Grail. Find out what happened in the final moments of Pompeii. Peer beyond the veil and see what was behind Lovecraft and Poe's macabre sensibilities. A human mind, though not feeble, cannot begin to comprehend the full scope of what it is that I offer- infinity is not a simple construct to grasp. I am the key for every lock.
In order to access the abilities that I possess, I will first require two things- a mind with an insatiable thirst for knowledge and to have a black and white candle placed on either side of me- to maintain the duality that incorporates my being. Once both candles are lit, the full breadth of what I am capable of is at your disposal. You have but to ask of me which soul that it is that you would like to communicate or hold audience with - and I shall reclaim them from the great beyond and have them appear to you in a full-body form. You are free to ask the spirit anything that you wish for as long as you wish. When you are done - thank the soul for answering and assisting you and I will return them to their reward. You can ask for me to use my skills to benefit you, until the day that I am asked to retrieve you to aid another...
For the meager sum of $2,000.00, He is yours. He is not to be commanded, courtesy and respect are all that He asks.